The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
