Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
