Your dad touched me again.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
now i know why i became what i already was.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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