shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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