omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
