And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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