"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
