I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
