You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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