If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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