so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
