My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
