I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
