Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
