You made me cry and you don't even care
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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