If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
