so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
