new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
