So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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