Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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