her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize