Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
