I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
