Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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