what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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