My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
