we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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