Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
