Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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