I just saw a hot homeless man
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
