Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
