singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
