There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
