I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
