the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
