I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You're earring is so big in my mouth
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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