And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
