hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
