That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
