I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need moral support for this bender
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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