He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
