wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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