Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You did what with his pubic hair?
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