i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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