I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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