The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
