He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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