Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
