No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
