Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
