I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Success! We fucked roommates!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
