you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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