dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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