So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
