Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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