do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
