He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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