I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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