i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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