The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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