"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
