Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
