Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
