I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
