That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
