this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
