I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
