the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize