Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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