Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
